"oh no" from a neurologist is not a good sign

I think we are all born looking for a happy ending to a story. I have wanted to give hope to others but tonight I can't. I know there are dogs worse off than Ella but I am literally sick with worry over her tonight. I have been lying to myself to think that surgery is the cure. I know that some of her symptoms might not go away and there was no guarantee that it would not come back but I needed that hope.

It is a fight and I am scared she will lose her battle. I wanted to try and help others so I called her neurologist Dr. Broffman to see if he would talk to our cavalier group in Charlotte and when he asked how Ella was doing I told him. This is so hard because I have been in denial but I think it has come back. She has good days but I noticed some things this weekend when I picked Ella up from staying with my mom. I saw the worst thing for me which was her lifting up her paw and also doing the bunny hop.

After her surgery she no longer was scratching but little by little here we go again. A couple of weeks ago after I thought things were worse she got on medication. She started to do better with that and acupuncture which I have to say really helped. I told Dr. Broffman what I noticed and then I heard the words no one likes to hear. That's when I put my effort in other areas. I meet Corey and his owner to talk about SM because he will be getting an MRI. When someone is around her for a short period of time, they don't see what I see when she comes home.

I started to notice ella being tired easily about a year ago at her birthday party. Why is she not playing with the other dogs? She is not normally like this I would tell others. What breaks my heart is why did I not notice it. So tonight I noticed. Why did Ella not go to meet-ups? Well because of what I am seeing tonight and I can't take this feeling. I really want her to be okay but she isn't. And even though she seems okay, she isn't. People don't see her move away because she does not want to be touched. Lay on the floor because she is in pain. Not eat, when Ella definately likes to eat. Somehow she had no problem eating the cheese with her medicine and somehow managing to eat the cheese and not her pills. How dogs manage that I will never know. Hold a water bottle for her to drink because she has a hard time coughing if I don't and will not drink. I can't be strong tonight. Tonight she was all of the above. I had hoped that at least for her birthday month for the first time go to our meet-up at least for a bit and on a leash but tonight she was on a leash tonight at starbucks but she got too excited. She climbed to go up stairs but I tried to stop her. I can't say that Ella had surgery and then majically every thing was gone. I will still say that at least for a period her eyes were full of life that has been missing this past year. The pressure was gone that caused her so much pain. Her scratching amazingly has not come back.