Ella was diagnosed with Syringomyelia and taught me more in her short life about how to live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and learn from each other.

About Me

My photo
The moment I first held Ella, my world changed. She has touched so many people giving love as a therapy dog but now it is time to give back. No matter how hard she tries to give, her eyes show sadness and pain.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Who will Lick my Tears?

It has been almost one year since Ella was diagnosed with SM. Part of me is so thankful she made it to Christmas and then the other part is scared if this is the last Christmas we will have together. No one wants to read sad stories and part of loving a dog comes, with the inevitable part of saying goodbye. Ella is only 4 years old and I never expected to be hoping for one more year. I know I can not dwell on the “what if” and celebrate each day I have with her but I have to think of when she is gone, who will lick my tears away?

I got Ella at a time when I needed someone to show me love. She lifted me up and gave me hope. I have been looking through pictures and every single picture I have with her, I have the biggest smile on my face. She does that to me. I knew when I got Ella, she would not live forever, but I thought by then I would have a family and it would be easier. It is just us and even though I am sure it is difficult no matter what, I don’t have a husband or children to come home to. My house would be empty. I read someone talking about having to take her Cavalier to be PTS and licked her tears to comfort her even though it was her last day. I began to cry. That is how they are so giving and even in pain, they want to make you feel better.

It is not just a dog that will feel pain. Think about the owners tears when they lose a dog. I have been blessed to meet some caring people on the Internet who I know will hold me up when that time comes. We all support each other and I am so thankful for that because I don’t feel so alone.

So for now, I am blessed to have someone to come home to. I make every day I have with Ella count. I will hold her head up when she needs to. I will give anything for her, because if it wasn’t for her, I don’t know if I could have ever experienced the love I have felt.


Love My Cavaliers said...

That is a very sad thought. I don't know why such a lovely lady as yourself hasn't found marriage and family yet but I'm sure there's someone special out there for you. If I can make just one suggestion and it might not be the right one for you, but I wish I had done this with our first Cavalier who we lost tragically hit by a car. Before that sad time comes is there any possibility you could get yourself a second Cavalier? It would be a comfort to Ella too and even though the sadness will still be there for you when the time comes, it will help ease the pain having someone there who will lick your tears. Hope you don't think me presumptous. I don't know if this is an option you would consider. Thinking of you both.

Jana Rade said...

Hon, please do your best not to think about that before you have to.

That's one big advantage dogs have over us - they live in the moment, they don't worry about tomorrow.

And maybe when tomorrow comes it will shiny and bright and filled with happiness for you two.