Ella, An Inspiration

I just wrote a blog post about blame and effort and I want to share my inspiration, Ella. No matter what she felt she was a true defination of the breed and a comforter. I would sing, "You are My Sunshine" to her because she was. She is the one who brought me out of a depression and she just made things better. She did that with her visits to the nursing home and just by passing people on the street. They say Cavalier King Charles Spaniels originally were "Comforter Spaniels" and that she was.

She was in pain yet she knew how to make others feel better. She did not blame anyone but kissed them to make them feel better. I never met anyone who didn't fall in love with her. I truly believe she brought me Elton because she knew I needed to share the love. I talk about Ella on this blog but she was an inspiration to me. It is coming up on a year since her death and I feel several years down the road, I will still be thinking of her and talking about this very special Cavalier that was sent to me from Heaven. Her time on Earth was short but she taught me more in those few years than a lifetime. She taught me how to love someone (even a dog) more than themselves, forgiveness, things that really are important, she gave me friends I couldn't imagine having.

I LOVE YOU ELLA

Seeing Elton Run Brings a Smile and Tears

Recently, I've been having a blast with Elton. We have discovered the parking garage at my apartment is the perfect backdrop to the city skyline and also is prime property for ball chasing.  He has quite the personality.

I have been sad today because I think of Ella. I think of how she loved chasing the ball and the day I threw the ball to have her just stare in the distance, frozen and unable or not willing to run. I am thinking of the dog stroller in my closet. Would she be in the stroller, in my arms? I think about how nice it has been to have Elton next to me snuggled up on the sofa or in the bed letting me touch him. How I longed for just a few minutes of Ella to be close to me but she didn't like to be touched anymore. I would be on the sofa and she on the top and I would just have my arm stretched just to touch her and be connected.

I will leave work and wipe my tears and take Elton to the top of the roof tonight. I will throw the tennis ball and watch him run but I will imagine Ella in the wind next to him running just as fast and smiling with me.

Poem from a Loving Person to Comfort Me

I have met some people on Facebook. In particular, some people in the Cavalier Army that have been a true blessing to hold my hand, let me cry. laugh and I am forever grateful.  The army started when her beloved Cavalier Mickey was sick and needed prayers. More about the army later, but wanted to share the poem she wrote for me.

To Comfort My Mum.

The days have passed since Ive been gone

But you my sweet mummy Anne will forever mourn

It seemed so sad that I had to go, why you ask

But that you will never know.

I just want to send some comfort your way

And tell you that I wished I could stay

I wanted to forever run with you and play

But I am only lent by God,

But while I was with you we were like peas in a pod

Our time together was special indeed

You fulfilled so many of my needs

I am still with you of that you can be sure

Just look at the clouds and you will see me once more

At night my little eyes will glisten up above

And I will wink at you as I float free like a dove

Please dont worry about me at all

For I have so much love and lots more

The love you gave me was so intense

Sometimes life just doesnt make sense

But be assured that the time we had

Wasnt meant to end by making you sad

Look on me a sample from God;

he displays his love through a loving dog

The way in which I would lick your nose and snuggle close and wrap myself around your toes,

for you smelt like a beautiful rose.

You see its love that makes me do those things, and now up here that love echoes like a constant ring.

For when I watch you each day I feel the

sadness that you display

Mummy I want you to miss me but let me go I am waiting here with God and one day you yourself will come to the show.

Until that time be assured I are fine.

Gods taking care of me all the time.

I have lots of things to do and see,

but most of all I watch over thee.

So just to comfort you right now, I take a bow, and salute you with my little paw, for you my mummy could have done no more.

As I run of now to play with God, I want you to be at peace and smile for us each, for you and your love covered me like sand on a beach.

Farewell my mum until that day, when I will see you again and we can once more cuddle and play.love....

Your sweet cavalier  girl Ella.

Julie Schofield

Good Night Ella

My sister would sing a lullaby to her son every night before he went to sleep. To me Ella was my “fur” baby so every night I sang the same song my sister did to Ella.


Good Night Ella

Good Night Ella

Good Night Ella

It’s time to go to sleep



Just a simple melody but I sang this to her since she was a puppy and it was our bonding time. If I started to sing this she would come from the other room if there were others around, and come to my bed. People would say no! Not fair I want her out here, but she was my little girl. Her eyes would become heavy as she would snuggle up to me (usually taking up all the bed) and we would go to sleep.



On May 2nd, I sang this the last time to her as I held her paw to join others in Rainbows Bridge. I can barely talk about it because tears are flowing now, but my bed is now empty. I actually can’t sleep in my bed still because it feels so empty. It’s like a hole where Ella was so I have only slept in my bed a couple of times since that day. I usually will sleep on the sofa. I try to close my eyes and feel her. One night my face felt on fire from all the tears I cried that I started to think was it her licking them away? Was that what I was feeling? I don’t know but it made me feel better and eventually I was able to go to sleep. Maybe now she is the one singing to me or comforting me because I know deep down inside she is with me still.

I Only Wanted You

They say memories are golden, well maybe that is true.

I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you, a million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still.

In my heart you hold a place no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane,

I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

 

Letter to Ella from Blondie and Lynn

I received this sweet letter from Lynn and her cavalier Blondie (who also has SM). I really wanted to share it with everyone!

Sweet Ella,




I've gotten to know you a little bit through your mommy,

and even though I never met you, you were my best Cavalier

buddy on the forum. I shared your story and your name often with my friends

and enjoyed reading all the stories about you.

Your mom loved you very much, she was on the forum all the time learning and reading

about you and your breed, finding ways to make your life better and more comfortable.

We all learned so much from your story. You lived with this horrible disease called

SM, which my puppy has too.. yet you were so strong and brave and loved going

to the doggie bar and hanging out with your mommy, still enjoying days in the park.

When I read the horrible news on the Cavalier forum about your illness, I checked the forum ten times a day for updates, until I saw the last news that Anne had decided it was time to set you free. I was in the car from upstate NY with my boyfriend, and read him your Mom's message.

In the middle of the message the tears were flowing and I don't think he understood much else of what I said. We stopped the car, and even my boyfriend shed a tear for you coz he

felt how unsettling it was for me. You are a symbol for all cavaliers with SM and I could feel your mommy's worries and pain as if they were mine. Blondie was in the car with us too and I know se must've felt something cause she was very quiet the whole drive home.

I then quietly read all the other messages that were left for you and I can tell you: you must've touched so many hearts and souls. Never before have I seen such sadness and so many messages there. And though I know that for us, this is all so so sad:

I know, for you, sweet Ella, it is not. I know you understand the flow of life and death better than us humans do. And I know that you do not see it as something frightening or horrible.

You are now running at the bridge with Charly and all the other cavaliers that recently passed as well as Anne's family who is waiting for you at the bridge and will love you and hug you while your mommy is still hanging around with us for a little while.

Run free little angel, and keep an eye on my Blondiemonster while you are up there too.

Love

Lynn and Blondie

Loving wings

 Watch "DMB Benaroya Loving Wings 10.24.02" on YouTube 

This song is so special to me. At a time in my life ella came to me. She showed me light and opened my heart. I owe everything to her. She was so special.

"My heart is made of broken bones

My soul a bag of stick and stone

But you along this dusty road

Come my love to take me home

I give to you my everything

Youve given me these loving wings

And angels have all gathered 'round

To hear me sing my love out load

You lightly lifted me away

Above the darkness cold and grey

Worked beneath the mid-day sun

Cool blue water you have come

I give to you my everything

Youve given me these loving wings

And angels have all gathered 'round

To hear me sing my love out loud

So take your place here next to me

Ill take my place next to thee

No matter how far we may roam

It's by your side i make my home"

Dave matthews band

She will always be with me. Its been a very tough year. I gave her all i could and i owe everything to her coming into my life. Although i have no regrets to dedicating this past year to her, being with her, learning about this condition, and fighting for her, i got to a low point. i just couldnt be without her and anything else didnt matter. It was all i thought about and cared about.

My family is amazing and i know ella touched them too. So in the end i had to give her wings to be released from pain but the bond we shared will be with me always. Its hard but i feel her with me and shes telling me she is with me and its ok. She lifted me out of darkness when i met her and even though i feel pain from losing her that i may never get over, she is guiding me back to where i need to be.  I need to let that love open me up to others.

Which leads me to my next post.

My Little Angel

This has been a very difficult time for me, but I think about Ella and her strength. How brave she was and no matter what she always had a wag in her tail, she made people fall in love with her all over the world. I never thought I would survive this moment but I need to live like her. No matter what pain or even being attacked by a dog, she would not change her spirit.




Many of people have had Cavaliers for 30 or so years. Know the breed more than anyone and have gone through this loss, but she made me fall in love. This breed is one that is like no other. I think the biggest compliment is how everyone that met her, then wants one. My mom and step-father who lost their lab and have said they would never get another since they are getting older. My aunt and uncle who lost their Springer Spaniel and also retired and said they would not have another because of traveling between their house in Florida and in Myrtle Beach. They all have said before she passed, that she made them fall in love again.



I know that she gave me something and hopefully others in knowing there is much more to breeding dogs and in the end there is one thing that we all have in common. A love for this breed, each other, and no matter what I am so glad that Ella has brought me to everyone. There are many things that can happen in life. You do what you think is best and pray to God that one day I will be reunited with her again.



I remember the day when I went to meet Ella's breeder. I was so scared that I would not pass her interview You see a lot of great breeders and even people in rescue, don't just want money and send a puppy off. They care too and want to make sure that they will have a home and a life that will be good for them. I was dead set on a girl but I heard that both girls were not being kept.



So I went and saw all the boys playing and there was one that was not as rowdy and she came to me. I had no idea it was the girl, but there was something special about her. She laid in my arms and fell asleep. Her breeder could see the connection. I don't know, but I heard that some breeders can tell when there is a connection. She saw that and I felt it. My heart filled with love. She came to me when I needed her like a gift and I truly believe in my heart there is a reason.



People keep saying you need to get another one to help ease the pain. As much as I long to have her or someone in my bed, I will wait for the right one to come. I will get another Cavalier in my life, and no Cavalier will ever be like her. At the right time, the right breeder, and the right moment, I think God will send another angel to me. For now, I just want to thank everyone who has been touched by her and know that this breed is unlike another and Ella is no exception.