Loving wings

 Watch "DMB Benaroya Loving Wings 10.24.02" on YouTube 

This song is so special to me. At a time in my life ella came to me. She showed me light and opened my heart. I owe everything to her. She was so special.

"My heart is made of broken bones

My soul a bag of stick and stone

But you along this dusty road

Come my love to take me home

I give to you my everything

Youve given me these loving wings

And angels have all gathered 'round

To hear me sing my love out load

You lightly lifted me away

Above the darkness cold and grey

Worked beneath the mid-day sun

Cool blue water you have come

I give to you my everything

Youve given me these loving wings

And angels have all gathered 'round

To hear me sing my love out loud

So take your place here next to me

Ill take my place next to thee

No matter how far we may roam

It's by your side i make my home"

Dave matthews band

She will always be with me. Its been a very tough year. I gave her all i could and i owe everything to her coming into my life. Although i have no regrets to dedicating this past year to her, being with her, learning about this condition, and fighting for her, i got to a low point. i just couldnt be without her and anything else didnt matter. It was all i thought about and cared about.

My family is amazing and i know ella touched them too. So in the end i had to give her wings to be released from pain but the bond we shared will be with me always. Its hard but i feel her with me and shes telling me she is with me and its ok. She lifted me out of darkness when i met her and even though i feel pain from losing her that i may never get over, she is guiding me back to where i need to be.  I need to let that love open me up to others.

Which leads me to my next post.

Friends going through what takes me back a year ago

I have had two friends recently learn their cavaliers have SM. As heartbreaking it is, I have seen the outpouring of support and comfort they have received from their friends on facebook. I have met people after Ella's surgery and diagnosis but anytime I post something about her, all these friends come together to show their concern and it makes things so much better. Whether they have cavaliers with sm/cm or perfectly healthy, they are friends for good times and bad.

This past year has been filled with ups and downs but I have developed friendships with people all over the world and that is truly amazing.  Virtual friends are awesome but I have developed friendships from Facebook with people close by. I know I need to sometimes get out of my "cavalierish" world but Ella became my number one.  I feel like these friendships have made me forget what it was like the first time I started this blog and knew no one.  It was because of this, that I got introduced to other forums and feel like I know all these people because of one person reaching out to me. 

I was reading my post where I was so excited that from a forum, I had someone say I could call her because she lived in NC.  I was going to a friends to celebrate Ella's birthday and it was like I won the lottery.  I have talked about SM so many times that I forgot that moment.  The moment that I felt my prayers were answered and I could talk to someone who knows more and is going through what I was.

So when these friends on Facebook came to me scared and nervous and not knowing what to do, I should have remembered how it was for me.  It was the most lonely, scary, emotional time in my life and I did not think I would make it.  Ella is my everything and without her well... I don't want to think of it.

So I wanted to tell everyone that I am thinking of you all and we do keep you in our prayers.  Sometimes I just have to stop and remember the day when someone reached me. It was like light came to me in a shadow of darkness.

Cavalier's Make a Difference

I have often talked about the first time I held Ella and my heart exploded with love.  I was fortunate to see eyes of the elderly in nursing homes instantly come alive when in her presence. The eyes of a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel can show so much. Sometimes you can see the expression when they are about to do something naughty. The best and worse is the look they can give you when you are about to leave saying "don't go". Ella has this look mastered when she wants food. She can look like she has not eaten for days begging for a piece of cheese or any food. She fools many.

These beautiful eyes that have given so much, now tell a different story. I can see the pain asking for help.

Seeing these eyes full of pain is hard to forget. I think that is why I don’t want to make these beautiful eyes less magical. Going through this, I have talked to some extraordinary people who have a passion for this beloved breed. Tania is one of these people. She started a website called Cavalier Matters (www.cavaliermatters.org). It has everything from SM information to brushing teeth. It is such a great site for information and just to look at all the cute pictures of Molly and Dougall.

Now Tania is making a difference for the Cavalier King Charles Spaniels. There are some important health matters that are concerning for this breed. Tania has taken steps to inform the public on things to look for in buying a puppy, symptoms that could be a health concern, things being done to help the future of the breed, and turned it into (I hate to say this) fun. The most important thing is she is raising money for Rupert’s Fund and Cavalier Rescue. All of this is done to help the future of the breed we adore so much. It is a matter and a matter of the heart. Once you learn that there are some major things that need to be done, it is hard not to do anything.

So I would like to share some things that she did at the recent Bermondsey Street Festival. You can see that her tent drew some attraction. You can also see from the pictures the fun. The children with a Cavalier stuffed animal, the pictures taken in the picture booth, and all of this in an effort to raise awareness of “Cavalier Matters”. She now has a shop open on her website where you can buy your own Rupert stuffed animal along with other things that have proceeds go towards such a great thing.

Even though there are some important matters that need to bring awareness to, there also is a way to do this by coming together as lovers of the breed. Ella’s eyes are lighter knowing there are people doing things to help future Cavaliers.

Ella's future: whose hands do i turn to

Going through this journy with Ella, I am constantly learning new things each day. My heart became open and filled with love when i first held her. Now my eyes are open to things I never thought about.  I have gotten support and information from people that know the breed and this condition better than anyone else. Now would I depend on someone that has no experience to help her?

The reason why i am writing this is because of some things i have read and even heard from others.  I am responsible for Ella and making sure I make the right decisions and to help her so i am getting as much information as possible. That is what i would imagine a lot of people would do. Now what has been on my mind is what about things i have read about the Cavalier breed. Yes there are health problems but they are the most wonderful breed and i will definately continue to want to have Cavaliers.

My question is whose hands would you put the future of the breed in? I have seen comments about "show" breeders that hurt me because i have talked to quite a few of them and they have been very supportive. In fact, i would think they are the ones that know the most about the breed. I read somethings from posts right after the BBC pde aired about people saying they would no longer buy a cavalier from a breeder that shows. Even though it rose awareness, i hate that the people are grouped together.

Who do we turn to? There is blame and things said about more things could be done by the cavalier clubs. Well i will not go into that, but they at least have ethical guidelines and know far more than a lot of people. I see ads and tweets about "healthy" cavalier puppies. I would suggest someone who is going to buy a puppy take the same caution as if they were going to be preforming a brain surgery. I am not going to just take the word of someone before i have ella undergo such a serious operation. Would you want people that are experienced and know a lot of information about this breed who are doing tests for health be the ones to continue breeding, or just put them in a category.

I saw a very disturbing post on a blog today "cavaliers: a crap breed that will stay that way" wow! Should we not be supporting the people helping the breed or should i say Ella is crap because she has a health condition.  NO.

There is an article about puppy mill legislation that mentions that show breeders are a community that does everything to make sure the dogs they breed do not end up in shelters. This is another issue but my point is there are people that are doing things to not only benefit health but also there are rescue groups.  I depend on the Cavalier Rescue groups to help the Cavaliers without homes. I am thankful for the members of clubs that support ethical breeding guidelines. Our breed is not a crap breed, but if people do not do research about the breeder, believe everything without getting all the information, then that makes me feel like crap.

I see ella and then i see all the other things that are just a start. Her life is in my hands and i am doing the best for her. Now lets make sure other puppies come from hands that are gentle, caring, know about the breed, have done everything they can to make sure they are healthy by doing testing, and then placed into a loving hand. 

She is fine, but she isn't

The hardest and frustrating thing about syringomyelia is how it changes and is so hard to notice the signs. I personally can share how from someone else's eyes who does not know the things to look for Ella could seem completely fine. She stayed at my mother's house for a week and although she said she seemed to sleep a lot and be tired, she seemed okay.  Ella has not been showing the most typical symptom of syringomyelia which is strange. She hasn't been scratching.

This is the one thing my mom knows and so she did not notice it and because they do not know the other things to look for, she seemed ok. They have a back yard and they just let Ella go outside, do her business and come back in. They do not see the difficulty climbing stairs. They are not with her enough to notice the changes in laying on the floor, shaking her head, and not wanting to be touched.

Back in May Ella stayed with a friend who has a Cavalier, and she told me nothing was wrong with her. She was the one who said the same thing before Ella got her first MRI and said the same thing. When the results came back, she said she would never doubt me again.  I started to notice things with Ella even back then. I would watch her all the time. I could tell when she had enough. I could see her tuck her paw under (a sign), i saw her sometimes struggle up the stairs.

This is where I come to the part of how it changes day to day. Yesterday Ella had a great day. She was full of energy and we had so much fun at the park. Even though she was worn out the rest of the day, i was so happy. Maybe it is not as bad as the MRI said. Then she changed.

Last night and today she was running away from me. Hiding under the table for protection because she did not want to be touched. I had to carry her. I can hear faint cries.

I knew what to look for and her MRI proves that she really is bad off. Dogs can not tell you they are in pain. SM does not have things like vomiting, fever, and what seems normal isn't and it could get to a point of perminant damage to the spinal cord and paralysis in serious cases. That is another thing. Estimates vary on the amount of Cavaliers with SM (some up to 70 %) and a lot of them are asymptomatic. So each dog varies.

Ella's neurologist said when he talked to a group of Cavalier owners in Charlotte that the majority of the Cavaliers here have SM. He said most of the time it is diagnosed is by having done an MRI for another problem. A dog comes in for one thing and finds out their dog has SM which is completely unrelated to what they came in for.

Ella is an unlucky one and even because a lot might never get to the point where i am so scared of just how long Ella has, it can not be taken lightly. It is getting worse with every generation. Had I not seen these new symptoms develop as i said before, it would be too late.

I will know more tomorrow after meeting with Ella's neurologist but let's pray she beats the statistics i have read.

Look at her yesterday. She seems fine and not the dog i'm hoping for another day, month, and if a miracle many years.

Why knowledge is important even if it is not easy to accept

Throughout my blog i have been thankful for knowing what syringomyelia was so i was able to see the symptoms in Ella.  If you are reading this blog then you already know about syringomyelia (SM). Either from Ella's story or they are going through it with their own loved one. I have several points and realized a lot of things recently when I saw signs that Ella's surgery was not as successful as I hoped and was scared to get the results from her MRI.

Let me start off by saying how thankful I am for people supporting me and also shared Ella's story on their blogs because a lot of people have never heard of this condition.  I have always wanted to spread the awareness of SM because I know how it gave Ella more time and less suffering. This also gave me the opportunity to get the information I need to see what damage has been done and what needs to be done in order to cause less damage.

How could I who has stressed how important it is to see the signs not be the first one to get this done. Well besides the issue of finances, I have to also admit I was scared to face the truth. 

People want to read about happy stories. It is even an issue about how some feel that talking about the health problems with cavaliers is something that to hide.  Even trying to talk to friends with cavaliers, I found they did not want to know the truth. I feel that most people feel that unless that they experience it, then they dont care as much. That is true with a lot of things. 

I want to explain why it is especially important for people to know about this condition especially if they are an owner of a breed that can have this condition.  The hard thing about this condition is that seem like normal behavior.  I will prove this in my next post about Ella's recent visit to my mom's house who said she could see nothing wrong with her. 

I said in another post that if you know about this condition what are you going to do with this knowledge? The best thing anyone can do is to spread the word. Help another dog. Tell your vet. I know that many people just want to see a cute smiling face and pretty eyes of our Cavaliers, but read on about what is being done to help less have the eyes of pain that I have looked into when I look at Ella. It may not be easy and it may not be what you want to learn about what is going on with the breed but it is important. It is important to know what is being done for the future of others with research. It is important to help another know what to look for.  Please if you read this post, continue to read the next ones. They will tell the story of how SM is hard to see. I will also tell the good news about what is currently being done and has already had progress in helping our breed that is already known for health issues, have more without these problems.

Ella's results were not what I wanted to hear but I am glad because it might have caught the scar tissue before it attached.  Think about it. Spreading the word might help another before it progresses. Helping with research could save the breed.  Is it easier to turn a blind eye and not learn the hard truth, yes. But the truth will be what will help many others.

Time to recognize those who help

 Tweet from Tweetcaster i wanted to share this because i know several people who have made an impact for animals. Time to recognize these people instead of focusing on the negative. I know that @dawgblogger website www.dawgbusiness.blogspot.com spends her time helping share health concerns with others and shared ella's story. I will always be thankful. I thank the wonderful breeders who for the love of the breed, will take steps to make sure the breed is as heathly as possible. I thank karln for www.sm.cavaliertalk.com for sharing her knowledge of sm.  I thank dr. Clare rusbridge for all the research she has done to help with sm. Lets take a moment and realize who is doing and not just saying what the problems are. How can i help more? I have met wonderful people that are unselfish and have been an inspiration to me.

Others needing prayers

I have met people through this blog and would like to mention some people that just need some prayers. 

Corey- ella's friend had surgery thursday that went well & no complications but i pray for a quick and good recovery.

Isabelle- her mom recently found out she has sm and has been needing support and prayers to help her with this. It is so hard and so many questions and she is having a hard time. Isabelle is having an mri september 4th and we hope it is not severe and the best .

Panda- has been on my prayer list. Panda's mom is on the yahoo support group and is always helping others in those tough days when people just find out, have questions, etc. She actually helped me when i was one of these people reaching for support. Panda had surgery 2 years ago and we hope that medication changes and other things will help panda since she seems to have some trouble. Part of it can be due to weather changes, but as i know it is hard not to be scared that even with surgery scar tissue or they will start to need another operation or hope medication will help which it does for many.

Staring into the eyes of a cavalier king charles spaniel & now seeing pain

One of my cavalier books from barrons said: "if the eyes are the window to the soul, the cavalier king charles spaniel has the kindest soul in dog-dom.  To peer into the eyes of a cavalier is to enjoy a vision of utter devotion and to fall completely under their spell." Staring to ella's eyes when she is in pain deeply hurts me. I wrote about Ella needing a 2nd MRI and that is because surgery may not have been successful.  The reason I know this is because I see the pain I once did before her surgery.  I read stories of people and Cavaliers with Chiari and Syringomyelia needing multiple surgeries and I knew this was a chance, but I had hoped it would not be Ella.

Ella used to cuddle with me on the couch but now she lays on the floor. She looks at me with those eyes of pain and I can hear faint sounds of pain.  I miss here and have to call her to come out from her hiding.  They sometimes do this because it can be painful to be touched.  How much I miss those days of her laying with me.  She has good days but recently her behavior has changed.  No one can tell you how hard it is to see this.  I posted a video of a person who can talk about how it feels, since she can't.  I will post video's of dogs that have Syringomyelia and some have lost their battle.  I am so afraid that is going to be Ella.  A lot of dogs don't even do surgery and manage fine on medications but some are not so lucky. I read articles about studies and they will say state dogs as cases and they will say was euthanized after 1 year or another case that has showed no new symptoms and improvement. 

I know I will do anything for her but I am scared.  Please pray for her.  The surgery is scheduled for September 1st. I will have my paycheck then and will need to figure out next month how to manage.  I am trying to come up with fundraiser events. I will be posting some items for sell to cover her treatment.  Please think of all these dogs that go through pain that is tough to watch.

Here is a picture of Lucy who lost her battle of Syringomyelia

You can only take so much

I started twitter, which i thought was stupid, but it really introduced me to very special people. I feel like there is nothing worse than sm but that is because that was all i could handle. I believe God only gives you as much as you can take.  I am not the strongest person and can only take so much so when ella was diagnosed with SM, i was broken. I went into a hole and i did not know if i could handle losing her. I still dont know if i can.

I have met people who have gone through so much more with their little ones. There was a cavalier that was attacked by another dog and it is a miracle that she is still alive. Her owner said she left her after hours at the hospital covered in her blood. There is another person taking care of a parapaligic cavalier (audrey hepburn) and i just think how little ella's problems are.

However, it is all i can handle. I recovered with her and try to remain strong for her. I am so thankful she is doing great but my heart still is with all of the others facing the loss or dealing with the health of a loved one



anniemac proud owner of ella

Ella's New Friend

Sometimes i feel that i am continuing to write about the same things and i forget the point. Its not fun for me to relive the days of worry about ella. Those countless nights i spent on the internet searching for some answers. Then i realize that is exactly why i do this. Some people have reached out to me and shared their stories.

Recently i got an email from someone just starting the process when she found out her dog had severe sm. She seemed scared and was looking for guidence or at least someone to talk to. That was the way i felt. Even though i could not tell her whether or not to have surgery, i hope that maybe it helped just to talk about it. I feel for her and her journey ahead. I can not predict the future but she has a great neurologist so she is in good hands.

I also have received help from others. Ella only had surgery 6 months ago and sometimes i get scared that it was not successful. I talked to someone who had a cavalier that had surgery 2 1/2 years ago and she said she felt the same way. I did not feel alone and i knew that 2 1/2 years is a lot longer than i thought. The problem with the internet is that it is hard to find the stories of what happens after surgery. You go through the recovery but then what.  Let me say that i  have talked to people that have cavaliers that had surgery over 5 years ago. There are success stories but i cant help to see things in ella that make me worry that it is all beginning again



anniemac proud owner of ella

Ella's story

I am going to write a quick post but i am excited because Www.dawgbusiness@blogspot.com wants to share ella's story about sm. I feel because i was aware of what it was i noticed several symptoms even before her vet did.  This blog is great because it gives several information about other health concerns.



anniemac proud owner of ella

Ask me questions and i will try to tell you no lies

The internet is packed with people with opinions, agendas, facts, and sometimes it is easy to get mislead.  I will tell you up front that i am not asking for money, i dont have the answers, in fact i am trying to find answers myself, i dont care how many people follow my blog, but what i do care about is giving people the tools to get more information. People can hear ella's story and how are fighting each day to learn more things about this condition. Striving to bring awareness to owners of the importance of being aware of health issues. Overall, learning how to cope with a condition that is so complex because no one can know what the future holds. Each dog is different but they are all special in their own way.

Location : 603 Queens Rd, Charlotte, NC 28207,

anniemac proud owner of ella

You can only take so much

I started twitter, which i thought was stupid, but it really introduced me to very special people. I feel like there is nothing worse than sm but that is because that was all i could handle. I believe God only gives you as much as you can take.  I am not the strongest person and can only take so much so when ella was diagnosed with SM, i was broken. I went into a hole and i did not know if i could handle losing her. I still dont know if i can.

I have met people who have gone through so much more with their little ones. There was a cavalier that was attacked by another dog and it is a miracle that she is still alive. Her owner said she left her after hours at the hospital covered in her blood. There is another person taking care of a parapaligic cavalier (audrey hepburn) and i just think how little ella's problems are.

However, it is all i can handle. I recovered with her and try to remain strong for her. I am so thankful she is doing great but my heart still is with all of the others facing the loss or dealing with the health of a loved one

Location : 603 Queens Rd, Charlotte, NC 28207,

anniemac proud owner of ella

Whelping

One thing i have read as a symptom that ella never did was whelp. I talked ton another cavalier owner who has a dog with sm and she said the same thing. I thought that if ella never got to that point then it must not be bad. So when her neurologist said it was severe i did not understand. I think just because a dog does not whelp, they can still be in pain. Ella isolated herself, flinched when i tried to touch her head, scratched, had a hard time climbing stairsm wanted to be on the cool floor, and other symptoms. Just because a dog does not whelp, there still could be a chance of sm.

Location : 603 Queens Rd, Charlotte, NC 28207,

anniemac proud owner of ella

Getting back to the point

Sometimes i try to get my mind off of ella's struggles and the whole reason for this blog. This blog was created to share her story to bring awareness of sm and share information along with her own battle with this frustrating condition which unfortunately is something more common in cavaliers than most people know.

Everyone needs help. The owners searching for support and answers, breeders who are wanting to pass on healthy cavaliers which is expensive with mri's, and researchers trying to find the genes for researxh. Talking to people and listening to people trying to find clear cavaliers in a hope to not let more and more cavaliers inherit this condition. Anyone with a dog that has to go through the struggles that ella and i have, would understand this.

I got off track and posted things other than things related to sm so i decided to go back to adding those posts to a seperate blog.  I want people that visit here to come for the reason i started this blog. I want to share ella's story.

Location : 603 Queens Rd, Charlotte, NC 28207,

anniemac proud owner of ella

Important website!

 http://www.friends-of-lola.com/ 

Location : 250 Gateway Blvd, Rocky Mt, NC 27804,

anniemac proud owner of ella