Blame and Effort/ Enjoy the Day and Do

"A man can get discouraged many times, but he is not a failure until he begins to blame somebody else and stop trying." John Burroughs

I like this quote because I feel it is so easy to blame others and even yourself and with Chiari Like Malformation and/or Syringomyelia it is so easy to get discouraged and stop trying.

When Ella was first diagnosed with CM/SM, I asked myself questions that I am sure many others do as well. Why her/me?, Why didn't the Vet notice earlier?, What did the breeder know? (However I am very lucky to have read http://www.fortheloveofollie.com/ where it had a letter from Ollie's breeder explaining their point of view).  Did I miss any symptoms and should have caught this earlier?

Then after I went through the many questions on whether or not to have surgery and what type, Did I do the right thing? Then I blamed myself when she developed scar tissue and I wondered what would have happened if I went with something else.  Although it is important to ask questions when deciding what surgery, all of this blame did not matter.  It is now almost a year since she has been gone from me and I am so very glad that I did not spend too much time blaming others but enjoying each day. All of that did not matter but I still think about all the others with these conditions everyday. I read forums, try to read research (even if a lot is over my head) and I know I am not doing enough.

Where is my effort going to?

I felt the only way to help or do anything was to share Ella's story but now that she is gone, what am I doing? It feels like nothing. There are some wonderful people like Sheena Stevens who started

FOETAL TISSUE RESEARCH.  This has caused some great break throughs. There of course is Sandy Smith who wrote For the Love of Ollie. There is Mary Beth Squirrell who blogs about her cavalier Mylee with symptomatic Chiari Malformation on her blog embeecav.blogspot.com. There are so many more but a lot of these people never say anything but just do.

 

learn from ella; the 4th of july. take time to enjoy life

Enjoying the water and surfing (not quite)


This is a tough time for me because every year my family goes to pawleys island for the 4th of july. All my brothers and sisters (besides my half-brother on my fathers side) is there with their husbands or wives along with their children. I don't have a husband and children, I had ella. That why its hard but I want to tell this story because there is a lesson learned from last year.


Last year ella had a blast! She would spend part of the day at day care because mom didn't want her in the house, but I would pick her up and drop her off several times a day. Its very hot so she couldn't be outside all day. I was extremely protective of her with her SM, but I let that go when I saw how happy she was playing on the beach with everyone.


These memories are so valuable now but also was what I learned. She had several days of activity which can aggravate some and it had a toll on her.  All those fun times we had added up and when the 4th of july came, she had one of the worse days.


This is the post I wrote last year that explains exactly what I was feeling at the time. http://fightforella.blogspot.com/2010/07/4th-of-july-and-suddenly-dont-feel-like.html She would not move and she was rubbing her face. I could see the pain in her eyes and it killed me. She mostly slept but she went from this happy cavalier to one that was hurting. I felt so guilty, scared, upset and I wanted to take it back. How could I do that to her? Thinking back, its not that I *made* her run. I didn't make her do anything, she did it herself and loved being around everyone and playing. If she didn't, I would have taken her back to day care because I was at this time extremely limiting her activity and protective of her.


I cried and cried all day. The night of the 4th, my sisters family and I go to my dads house. There is a dinner with tons of people, jump castles and games for the children, music, drinks and dancing for the adults. The night ends with one of the most beautiful display of fireworks that I can her the oohs and ahhs as I write this.


I don't even think I could eat. I told everyone I had to go back to the house to be with ella. Ella was asleep and was fine but I needed to be with her. I felt so bad and I just couldn't enjoy anything without her. We snuggled together and then when I started to hear the fireworks in the distance, we went outside to look. I walked a little up the street, standing on my toes and trying to see it through the trees.


The next morning ella was back to herself. I wrote to a group about this and how terrible I felt. I remember one guy said something that I will remember forever. He asked me if I ever have done something that I really enjoyed but felt bad the next day but would still do it again if you could? I thought of dinner and wine with my girlfriends staying up late chatting and having fun. The next day, I would be tired but it was worth it. We have all had those times. Maybe snow skiing and waking up sore but it was so much fun.


Granted this week was a little too much but the moral of the story is something that I valued. I started to take time to let ella enjoy things in life. She loved going to the park, playing with other dogs, chasing birds, and holding her back for fear that it would be too much wouldn't be a life for her. I was well tuned in to how she was doing and when enough was enough. I am glad I made myself not keep her from doing things and actually take time to actually do things each day.

Pawley's Island Parade

Nana (mom) and Ella

Looking for sea shells in the surf- One of her favorite things!

Look at that smile! How much fun she was having!

Looking for birds and enjoying the scene

Maybe I see a fish

Watching Bobby ride a wave in

Got to be where the action is and make sure that everyone is ok. I'm a good watch dog!

Can you spot Ella? 

Some of my family enjoying the parade

Learn from ella; its ok to have fun and take a break to enjoy life.

How Can I Profit From the Example of Ella

“Here lies DASH, the Favourite Spaniel of Queen Victoria

By whose command this Memorial was erected.

He died on the 20 December, 1840 in his 9th year.

His attachment was without selfishness,

His playfulness without malice,

His fidelity without deceit.

READER, if you would live beloved and die regretted, profit by the example of DASH.”

My life will never be the same since after My Angel Ella came into my life. I have learned so much from her.

"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them, Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have."


Thom Jones

Ella was not just a dog. She was angel that was sent to me. She has taught me about loving one more than yourself and that I could ever imagine. She taught me about forgiveness. She taught me how to make someone’s day just by showing you care. We will forever be connected because she will remain in my heart forever. I believe that even though she is not physically here, she is an angel looking down on me and everyone. So I will ask myself:

What Would Ella Want

She would want to run after the birds.

She would want to sniff each flower.

She would want to great each person and dog with a smile and waiting for them to pet her.

She would want to run around in the park with her fur friends.

She would want to run on the sand in the beach.

She would want to run after a tennis ball and wait for me to come to her to throw it again 

She would want to spread across the whole bed like a princess.

I could say so many things but she never asked for them. I just knew these are things she enjoyed. The only time she would get the “please mom, I don’t want to” action was when we were at the beach. We slept in a bedroom that was by itself. The upstairs was where all the action was including *cough* kitchen. She wanted to be around everyone and even if they were going to sleep, she wanted to make sure she was there and not missing anything. She would sit by the door impatiently wanting to go back. She even scratched to door with her paw, looking up at me with those sad eyes.

We left the beach at 5am the Monday after Easter to return back to work in Charlotte. She immediately got sick in the car. She was running on the beach Sunday but that would be her last run on the sandy beach. The last time she would chase shells in the breaking waves. I had no idea that would be the last time she smiled at all.






That Monday she did not get better and she did not hog the bed that night, nor did she end up on top of my head and pillows. I woke up to her on the bathroom floor. I took her to the Vet Tuesday morning. She came home because they thought it was a bug. She still did not eat and again even though she always is close by, she was on the floor again. The next day when I took her back to the vet, I did not know that when she would return home, it would be her spirit.






I think Ella got what she wanted, a weekend at her favorite place before it would be her time to say goodbye.






I never thought about it that way until now. I feel like Ella was sent to me as an Angel to help me through some hard times. She saved my life and that is why I wanted to do everything I could to save hers. It seems like it was before her time, but maybe there was a reason she felt it was her time to go back to Heaven and help me and others from there.






Maybe she did not want me to see her struggle. Sometimes I feel like I was losing strength and I get so upset with myself. It can weigh on you emotionally to not know what the future holds. I loved and still love her so much that I wanted to be the one to have the pain instead of her.






Would Ella want that? Would she want me to be scared of losing her? Would she want to see the sadness in my eyes that she came to me to change?






No. She would not want that because that was her whole reason she found me. It does still hurt and the pain is still raw but I have to think of everything she taught me.

What did I learn from her?

More to come…

This is a picture of Ella at the Beach the Weekend before she got sick

Learn From Ella

This Thanksgiving I was with my family and I have a lot to be thankful for especially having Ella with me this year. One thing that did upset me was how my aunt and uncle had fallen in love with Ella and decided that if they ever got another dog it would be a Cavalier. They told me that because of her health condition, they are now reconsidering this.

When someone sees a person they care about go through the heartache of having a dog with SM or another health condition, it can have an impression on them too. I don’t want Ella to suffer but if she is, then it should show people how important it is to find a breeder who will breed for health. I think Cavalier King Charles Spaniels are the best breed and I will always want one and suggest the breed to others, however, it is important that if you get a puppy to make sure the breeder is doing health tests to help prevent this heartache.



I am especially thankful to have met someone on an SM forum that has shown me the side of a breeder, showing Cavaliers, health issues, training etc. and also has been a shoulder to cry on. She showed me that there are great breeders out there and that are especially concerned with this. I emailed her because I was upset and asked if she knew anyone that is following the SM breeding protocol. She said there are and gave me some names. I want my uncle and aunt to have the joy I have had of bringing a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel into my life.



I would like to point out a couple of things I think are important.



• Even great breeders will have a puppy that will develop a health condition and it is upsetting to them also. There are no guarantees but the good ones are doing everything possible to keep the number limited.

• Not all breeders are the same

• Ella did not come from a puppy mill or Back yard breeder (BYB). Her parents had several health tests done but at the time did not do any scanning for SM. This is why I feel that all tests are important.

• The CKCSC-USA and the ACKCSC are not just for shows. They have valuable information and they want to help the breed. The breeders that are members of these clubs and regional clubs are a good place to start. The clubs have ethical guidelines and recommendations but it is still important to make sure to still ask the questions to see if the breeder is following things.

• Get involved. It’s up to the pet buying public to push for breeders that do more health tests.

• The price of a Cavalier does not mean that it is better. If you want to save money and get a Cavalier from someone not doing tests, you probably will be spending more in the long run if your puppy has inherited health problems. If money is an issue, think of adopting. There are many Cavaliers that need a good home and sometimes good breeders will have older Cavaliers that they were going to show but did not end up being show quality.

• Buying a puppy is not something to do on impulse. Take the time to learn about the breed, research what questions to ask breeders and what to look for, it will be well worth it in the long run. You may have to wait if you find someone that does not have available puppies, but the wait is worth it especially if it means you may have a dog that is with you longer in the long run.



I am going to get a checklist together for my aunt and uncle because I do want them to get a Cavalier because I see how their eyes light up when they see Ella. (I gave my uncle a baby Rupert to love on). Don’t give up because now is the time to promote the people who are breeding for health. What we have gone through is painful, but it does not have to touch more and more people. Please learn from Ella and thank the breeders who are following SM breeding protocol and pushing for a healthier breed for the future.

I read somewhere that doctors would prescribe the Toy Spaniel (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) for people with an illness. Now its time to return the favor.