"Dogs have a way of finding the people who need them, Filling an emptiness we don't even know we have."
What Would Ella Want
She would want to run after the birds.
She would want to sniff each flower.
She would want to run on the sand in the beach.
We left the beach at 5am the Monday after Easter to return back to work in Charlotte. She immediately got sick in the car. She was running on the beach Sunday but that would be her last run on the sandy beach. The last time she would chase shells in the breaking waves. I had no idea that would be the last time she smiled at all.
That Monday she did not get better and she did not hog the bed that night, nor did she end up on top of my head and pillows. I woke up to her on the bathroom floor. I took her to the Vet Tuesday morning. She came home because they thought it was a bug. She still did not eat and again even though she always is close by, she was on the floor again. The next day when I took her back to the vet, I did not know that when she would return home, it would be her spirit.
I think Ella got what she wanted, a weekend at her favorite place before it would be her time to say goodbye.
I never thought about it that way until now. I feel like Ella was sent to me as an Angel to help me through some hard times. She saved my life and that is why I wanted to do everything I could to save hers. It seems like it was before her time, but maybe there was a reason she felt it was her time to go back to Heaven and help me and others from there.
Maybe she did not want me to see her struggle. Sometimes I feel like I was losing strength and I get so upset with myself. It can weigh on you emotionally to not know what the future holds. I loved and still love her so much that I wanted to be the one to have the pain instead of her.
Would Ella want that? Would she want me to be scared of losing her? Would she want to see the sadness in my eyes that she came to me to change?
No. She would not want that because that was her whole reason she found me. It does still hurt and the pain is still raw but I have to think of everything she taught me.
What did I learn from her?
More to come…