"A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug"
Ella is a fighter and extremely brave but she looks up to me for answers. Sometimes I just feel like I want to cave in and say I can't do anything except not doing anything is giving up. We can not give up hope because it is that hope that keeps us strong. If I am not strong for her, then she is worse. I have to make her happy and enjoy every precious moment I have with her. I can not focus on the future except the positive. So many people can be negative, blame others, make excuses, but what good does that do? She is looking at me for answers and even if I do not have them right now, I will do everything in my power to keep strong even though that is the toughest thing to do.
I was talking to a friend who has a Cavalier and has gone through this and she said she spent a year depressed and it almost killed her. She told me how important it is to be strong for Ella. I have known that from the beginning. Everyone says stay strong and it is very hard. I feel like dogs and especially Cavaliers can feel what we do. I was actually looking at a book of the history of the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and the first Spaniels were actually known as "comforter spaniels". They were used in hospitals, used to help the ill, used to keep people warm, keep pests away and I know from personal experience how she has healed me in a time of illness. Now that she is sick, I can not have her be my "comforter". I have to be the comforter to her. It is time to pay back what they have done for me and others for several years.
With Ella's eye problems from the dog attack and not knowing what her prognosis will be, I had an appointment Thursday with both the optometrist and her neurologist. I wanted to see the neurologist first because I wanted him to see what our next move is and I needed to know what is best for her. If her eye is not bothering her or if she doesn't have long, do I really need to go through surgery? I don't know how long she has but I hope it is a long time. I did not want to hear him tell her optometrist her prognosis but he did talk to him. I just think there is no good to know because they can be proven wrong and I am not going to give up hope but it is important to know in order to make this decision.
Then I Hear Some Good News
The optometrist looked at her eye and said he expected so much worse! She was actually scheduled a month ago to have surgery but I waited because I just had a feeling that I needed to focus on her SM. Her eye did not seem to bother her. She was not scratching at it and if I can spend money on her other things that is where my focus would be. It was a tough decision and even though it weighed on me, I really wanted to sit down and discuss it with both before I did anything. You never know if you make the best decision but knowing that I trusted my instincts and waited makes me feel so much better.
I asked him if it had anything to do with what her neurologist said. I could not help it but I wanted to know if maybe he said something that determined what he was saying. He told me that it had improved and really without SM, he does not think he would suggest to have it removed anyway!!
So hope and trust and a little miracles can do wonders!
Ella was diagnosed with Syringomyelia and taught me more in her short life about how to live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and learn from each other.